A New Year, Another Start
People look at a new year as yet another transition. It’s a new year, a new start, a new, fresh outlook.
So often, though, we get to June, halfway through the year, and we realize that it’s the same year, just different numbers on the calendar.
“New Start” may be a misnomer for some, I certainly don’t feel like January 1st came and suddenly the world shifted on its axis and all life’s worries, problems and realities became clear. As a matter of fact all the problems remain and the realities are just that…realities.
It may be slightly different for my kids and I, though. Much like it’s different for others out there, I suppose. Say you lose a parent, or you get a divorce or your spouse leaves you. Happier things change you, too. You have a child or another child. You get a new job or a better job. These are paradigm shifts in your life.
My new start came nearly four years ago. I’ve never been one of those to take significance in numbers, but significance in days is something I’ve come to think about. I was married on the 26th of March. It’s also the day my marriage ended when my wife passed away. 8:30am, exactly, she took her last breath.
Talk about paradigm shifts.
Here’s the thing with that shift, though. The easy, lazy, terribly attractive thing to do would have been to shut down and just let it all fall apart. In some ways that happened here and there. However, in other ways it’s been a trace back to that day that’s become a very new start for all of us.
Don’t get me wrong, if nothing more than the mental stability of my children was the reality, I would gladly wish away the grief and the problems it created. Still, the changes that came after that day, four years ago, were a completely new start for me. They were big changes for my kids, too, and in many ways we came out for the better.
I have a new job, take my family seriously, try to put them first and all the things we do I try to do together. That’s always been the case…except now we try new things. We eat different foods, we travel other roads, we experience things just because we can. It’s not that we didn’t when their mother was here, really. Maybe the whole “life is just too short” mantra rings in our ears, but we do it regardless.
I’ve become a musician again, full-force. I was always one, sure, but the guitars were relegated to the spare room, the idea of writing or recording tossed aside.
This year is definitely a shift. 2014 saw loss…lots of loss and we weathered it, again, as best we could. We got closer to some people, more distant from others. Still, it was a good year, it truly was.
Yet 2015 looks even better. My brother has a record coming out and we’re all excited by that. I hope, pray, and am working toward going into the studio myself this summer. If I can pull that off some of the best material I’ve written in awhile will be laid to tape and I’ll be pushing you all to give it a listen.
More than anything…it’s been four years of changes and adjustments and I couldn’t be prouder of these four little people who are in my charge. They all stick together, band of brothers and sisters, and follow me when I charge into the unknown. They never wavered in their trust of their Dad. Four years ago I also took the mantle of parent – only parent – and rode off into the dark quagmire that is single parenting. What we created was a new, unique, quirky, sometimes snarky and sarcastic world that outsiders may think is strange and odd.
But then, others think it’s odd that we can be so happy when we’ve lost so much. What they don’t see is that losing so much does actually make you appreciate when you have so much left.
Yes…it’s a change. But then sometimes, a change will do you good.
Happy 2015 everyone.